Amanda

2009-02-23T12:26:00.002+08:00

im-shawn@hotmail.com says:i tell u 1 thing u can belive and also don't belive.....
im-shawn@hotmail.com says:kim told me on saturday night that she want to comsume drug and report u to harm..........
.im-shawn@hotmail.com says:i repeated many time this is a dammed fuck up way.Amanda - That's it . It's over. says:she so cute uh
im-shawn@hotmail.com says:she is the kind of person who when she wrong u say her and she will try to kill u even more
im-shawn@hotmail.com says:i told u even thing coz my conscience tell me if i don say i cannot sleep well
im-shawn@hotmail.com says:u can don belive me but just be carefull....
im-shawn@hotmail.com says:if u want u can call her now to ask if she did say this 2 day ago.
Amanda - That's it . It's over. says:it's ok
im-shawn@hotmail.com says:if she dare to denail then u tell her to swear her whole famlily will die if she lie.....
im-shawn@hotmail.com says:its ok that u say i say de
.im-shawn@hotmail.com says:i know u no matter what still will care for her..
Amanda - That's it . It's over. says:if she wanna take me for granted it's ok..

3 years back, u slept with my ex. You told me u didn't mean it. I forgive u. You told me shawn, your recent ex, blackmailed u. I forgived u. Now, You share my secrets with your friends just because u think i m materialistic and even planned to ask your bf to find rich people, bed me , video me and post up internet.

After I've cooled down, i still talk to you, tell u to work and stufff as your dad isn't some big boss anymore, he's driving taxi now. i stil care for you but now what? take drugs and frame me? girl, you still haven't grow up, have u?

Play underhand...... ha.

2009-01-06T05:00:00.007+08:00

darren tt that ass up thing on purpose for this shot. haha! he's adorable.
back to prawn fishing, terence. LOL
Darren, Victor and terrence , outside thai disco
This is darren. Happy go lucky guy.

I WASN'T SCRATCHING MYSELF ALRIGHT?

She bangs, she bangs

At vivo. Sorry, photos not in order, HEE . These were taken before we head down to siloso!

MORE BOOZEEEE.... super happy MAN~~
Me and james! My all time favourite designer!!
Me and jody!
Love this gang, excluding the guy in black tee.

NEW YEAR'S EVE WAS A BLAST IN SILOSO BEACH PARTY!!!!!

Things to do this year.
- Quit smoking
- Get an office job
- Study hard
- Get a Car
- Overseas with besties
- MORE PARTIES!

Anyway , i met this new guy, not really new thou, have spoke about him before, that is darren. It's pretty fast I must admit but he's so so so so much different from zs. But still, there's some things which zs can do and he couldn't, vice versa. Like, he's quite slow in replies in msgs and doesn't joke much thou but zs always have fun with me thru sms . Well, I can't compare, it won't be fair at all but now that I have darren which he actually propose to me on New year, I would like to start life afresh with him. He's really nice and have lotsa nice friends around him but one thing that isn't good about him is he drinks alot and by tagging along to drink with him, one day i will be a master the god of drink.... high tolerance for liqour which is bad cause then, it's hard to get high. -__-

I can't say that I love him now but I really really like him alot. I haven't actually been thinking of zs till his friend called and asked about him. I felt bad because I promise him I'd wait for him willingly but I kept thinking about the way he treated me, i don't think it's worth it and since someone out there are more than willing to treat me better, I feel that i should grab that chance.

But whatever it is, I hope he will be happy down the road. He's not that bad thou i guess?

Anyway more updates thru Facebook. Been lazy to blog! plus have more videos there!

2009-01-01T10:58:00.003+08:00

It's a brand new year but my life isn't getting any better. What I really want? Just a simple life. No complicated. But somehow or rather, seems like I m fated to lead such life.

Or maybe I m the cause of it. I always have hard time communicating with people and therefore people always misunderstood my actions.

Scorpio Bitches (Reflects)

They can overplay their hands, however and be over possessive and even cruel and violent, both physically and verbally, when annoyed.

Never forget a hurt or a slight. For the typical Scorpio, forgiveness can be difficult.Much of its knowledge is not easily communicated because it is beyond most people's understanding.

When Scorpios try to communicate what they see, understand, or feel, they are often badly misunderstood.

They then tend to keep silent because the misunderstanding that results from silence is better than the misunderstanding that comes from failed communication

one that will harbor long-term grudges. But Scorpio is also *slow to anger*. If others do not repeat hurts or add insult upon insult, Scorpio is no more vengeful or grudging than any other sign .

She won't choose her friends or lovers lightly; they have to measure up to her high standards. Once you are assured of her love don't worry that it will stray.

As long as you are faithful and keep her happy a Scorpio will almost never betray you for physical promiscuity and for pay you back every kindness you gave her and to people whom she thinks deserving.""

Scorpio is probably the most feared and yet the most revered sign of the zodiac. Most Scorpios would not hurt a fly for they are as gentle, caring, and generous as they can be hard, cruel, and mean.

It really depends how they are treated.This is a sign which demands respect and usually gets it. Scorpions are highly sensitive, emotional creators who are so easily hurt that they cannot bear to show their feelings for fear of being ridiculed.

Scorpios develop from an early age the ability to control such outer expressions of emotion, and remain dry-eyed.

Capable of holding a grudge for the rest of their lives. Scorpio subjects are hardworking, generous, and very determined.

Once they begin a task, they will be dedicated to finishing it.Thye can become obsessively devoted to a person, a cause, or a project.

This is me. Can someone understand me? LIKE PLEASE. So many fucking things happened to me and no one actually understand what's my intention. FOR EXAMPLE. zs... LOOK WHAT I DONE... I ain't good with words so I use actions but often, he misjudge me.

Have you ever had one of your best friend falling for you? and you hurt your best friend without knowing it? Have you ever love someone who doubts your love? Have you ever have a mother who cares for you in the wrong way? Does your mom go around telling all your friends about your evil past? Have you ever fall for someone and you just wanna lead a simple life with that someone but realised that many things are standing in your way?

Do you have a mother who goes around telling people your things, spoiling your reputation and feels proud about it? and the fuck up thing is, SHE WILL NEVER ADMIT IS HER FAULT.

Sometimes, it may seems childish but I rather not continue this kinda life. I just wanna go away. I just want a simple life.

Just a happy simple life.

2008-12-28T09:33:00.001+08:00

Eversince his hp was off, everyday I would call his hp, try a few times a day, hoping that he will pick up.

2008-12-27T22:50:00.002+08:00

AHH! it's sat!!! ferry Costa? how do you spell his name... HAHA! is in town. But didn't wanna go. Suddenly, I don't have the clubbing mood. Wanna stay home... and chill with my mochi.

I reckon he went in DB or something. He hasn't contacted me since then. Kinda miss him. There's so much things to do with him but he's just gone. sigh. Maybe he thinking that, I m out there enjoying but yet he's inside there suffering. I ain't. I miss him badly.

I wonder how is he doing inside now. I know it's stupid, after so much shit he caused me , i still think about him. Can't help it.

AHH~~~ Tomorrow gonna meet jos do assignment! Am switching course from marketing to tourism and hospitality! Was because marketing only specifiably focus on marketing whereas latter has more varieties in it!

WEE! New year coming. Am gonna start my life afresh! Time to lead a life like an adult.

2008-12-26T16:39:00.003+08:00

I do wonder, is it just me or just that im down on luck. I have to encounter every sitaution people would last think of it. Gossiping will cause the rope to snap. IT WILL.

Maybe i should just limit my friends. Maybe I should stop commenting, Maybe i should start ignoring.

Ironically thou, i miss him . yeah... him him him.

2008-12-24T13:58:00.003+08:00

You have got no idea how hurting to know that someone you love denying that he's spreading inane stories about you? Where by witness has acutally prove that he has been personally telling everyone of them.

He's a fucking jerk. He hit someone in camp and that guy is dying, I hope he goes to jail, I hope karma hits on him soon. Fuck you hong zhi sheng. you're FUCKED UP.

2008-12-22T21:15:00.001+08:00

- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (9:11:31 PM)
just FUCK IT
- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (9:11:57 PM)
i told u life has so many emotions
- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (9:11:59 PM)
why dwell on one
- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (9:12:02 PM)
when u have so many others
- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (9:12:08 PM)
fuck Sadness and seek happiness
- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (9:12:16 PM)
fuck ugly pple and look for beauty
- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (9:12:19 PM)
example ur ex
- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (9:12:21 PM)
HAHA
Amanda says: (9:14:18 PM)
LOL!!!
Amanda says: (9:14:19 PM)
wah
Amanda says: (9:14:23 PM)
u rock.. u fucking rock
- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (9:14:42 PM)
dont be weak k
- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (9:15:13 PM)
u r young
- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (9:15:13 PM)
enjoy ur youth
- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (9:15:13 PM)
u have the rest of ur old age life to be sad and pityful

It rocks to have such friend around.

2008-12-22T17:51:00.002+08:00

- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (5:42:10 PM)
hihi :)
- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (5:42:27 PM)
wasup
- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (5:42:42 PM)
i heard some more news about u
- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (5:42:54 PM)
ur ex said to my friend that
- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (5:43:02 PM)
when u guys were still together
- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (5:43:09 PM)
u went to ur another ex's home and had sex
- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (5:43:13 PM)
is that true?

- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (5:48:24 PM)
thats all i heard so far
- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (5:48:31 PM)
cuz i didnt want to quarrel wif my friend
Amanda says: (5:48:37 PM)
wah fuck
Amanda says: (5:48:39 PM)
hat's your friend name?
- Smack Kei - 景 - says: (5:48:45 PM)
and apparently he's been getting sympathy from pple

ZS, why? can't stand I moved on? you better watch your mouth. cb.

FIRSTLY, I DIDN'T WENT TO ANY EX HOUSE.
SECONDLY, STOP TRYING TO GET SYMPATHY FROM YOUR FRIENDS LOSER.
wah.. you really damn childish.

2008-12-21T01:30:00.004+08:00

This is kim's dog. Miki . ps, this was taken when he's drowing and kim didn't know he's REALLY drowning until after the photo was taken. lol

Kei call this , OUTCAST . LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he's a loser. Aynway.. WEE!! KEI ROCKS!

Wah.. shopping and dinner was great today!! ARgh... too bad tml having bridging course

2008-12-20T16:11:00.003+08:00

dreamt of him. Still miss him thou . It's really a waste that we just couldn't get along. I know we both still love each other, we simply just need to give in and stop breaking each other's trust and heart.

I really thought we both could get married and I always wanted to be together with him for the rest of my life. sigh. Actually I hope, one day when we sort our thoughts out, that we should learn how to love each other the right way, I would wanna be with him again. Despite many ppl I met, or hang out with, my heart only has him. Contradicting thou form the past few post. I was angry but despite how angry I am, I still love him. Yeah, it sucks. I missed those times when we first got together, the honeymoon period, it's the sweetest. But it always sweet when we both didn't quarrel or suspect each other.

I really miss him.

Tomorrow school start. SIAN! 9am till 6pm. wth.................... =(

2008-12-18T15:03:00.006+08:00

BLEAH
Bah.. he's still the best afterall!
LOL!
I don't know why he cut ying's head off. lol
He's got those super cute smile. Thou he's like... old? LOL! but he still look young!
i was first attracted to this ass 3 yrs ago was his smile! Air steward. Mai siao siao.
WHAT'S UP MAN

Cass, Benji , Me , Ying and Vic
At jap 1
Prics and jia li! Look at ken's face. LOL
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEN! got him a agnes b cufflink and money clip set. Forgot to take a photo of it. darn.
MOCHI!

Local breeds have nude colour paws.
And here is the love of my life. Mochi. The first day I got him home.
SUPER FAT. No kid.
Spasm. (AT ericsson pet farm)

First ugliest and smelliest dog I ever had, for just a day,
That's xiao hei, familiar thou but can't remember when I met him.
Then Realised that JACK CAME ALONG TOO!!
Rounding and darren and friends!
Deon and deon!
At Explorer, forgot who'se birthday. :X Janice's friends! Anyway , explorer is a damn nice place to chill! Good food + Goood scenery = DOPE.

2008-12-17T09:52:00.001+08:00

Super tired. DRINK DRINK DRINK!!! eh guess what happened when i was on this cab going home? This malay driver, quite young thou.

Uncle "Did you went to zouk out?"

ME " -_____- I missed it"

Uncle " WHY? alot of people went, i heard from my friends it's so fun"

Me " I KNOW!! I regretted sia............ "

-_________-

LADIES NIGHT!!!! WOOO!!

2008-12-16T22:32:00.003+08:00

WOO~~ at bugis pub Drinking now with victor and friends!!! high high~~ LOL?!

2008-12-16T09:41:00.008+08:00

I regretted geting back with him. I was happy without him, I really was. Now all he can do is whenever he's angry, he calls me a slut. Then now he twist his words, saying that he never lie... I m a fucking slut, it's over. Please, he just can never admit himself wrong.

To him, it's about him to change him, it's me that have to be changed. It;s me who cause him to change.

To me, it's about both of us. Despite what happened, we both have to adapt to each other and change together. when an arugement occus, both party has fault. But to him, it's always me, only me. If i argue back, he will say i started it. But to be fair, If i started it, he can back off , once he back off, an argument would not occur. He would never think his way. Super childish thinking. something hapened,
" you started what.. not me"
"You what"
"Please lah. go think lah.. i where got wrong, it's you lo"

But actually, Deeply i know he loves me.... Just that, his ego was controlling him. You know, if he could also change, our r/s definately will work out because I m more than willing to do so, ok, I m already really trying but he just kept showing me his attitude and temper, then when he get's mad, he will shout at me whereby i m keeping myself cool. I seriously feel that it will work but sadly, he ego has just ruined everything. I felt bad when I realised that my feelings aren't strong and I still wanna keep trying with him , i felt like i was lying to him instead. =\ BUT WHO CARES... should not feel guilty for such kind of turn off petty guy.

Wah, bth such kind of petty guy. Don't you agree meh? SUPER PETTY TO THE MAX and petty guys turns me off.

Girls, if you wanna go with someone, please find those that are no so proud and egolistic as this. This one is horrible and will never ad mit his fault one, cause he scared . I don't know what's with such guy. Seriously and honestly, he really digust me and make me feel super fan gan.

Suprisely, i didn't cry but was pissed that he actually have the guts to fuck me up for not trusting him then being contradicting.. Like I used to think that maybe the feelings are around, wasn't sure but now, I m sure. Feelings are as strong because if comes to such situation, I will spend my night crying but instead, after blogging the last post, i chat with darren till i doze off. damn shiok.

But girls, you know what's the best part after a break up and when tt guy msg you something and you know whatever he says it's gonna hurt you?

DELETE without reading it!! ( That is if you're sure that you don't want him anymore if not then hear what he has to say) And to me, it works. ^^

Time for work!

2008-12-16T01:07:00.003+08:00

That farker's been lying to me.

"No i never meet any girl at all. Swear"

Then what i found out? you mbeen meeting up with that girl you met from powerhouse.

Then what you say? " Only her. with her friend. no one already."

Then what i found out? You met your flings.

Thei ask you nicely, you shout me at asking me what i want what i want. I only wanna find out what's going on. Then what? CB,,, you lie to me still can shout at me. HEy. FUCK YOU LAH!!!. YOU STILL CAN FUCK ME UP FOR NOTHING TRUSTING U. TRUST U LAN! KNN.

It;s over. You motherfucking horny bastard. Go fuck al you want. Fucking liar.

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?! U HAVE SUCCESSFULY BROKE MY FUCKING HEART. IT"S OVER. I HATE U!!! FUCK U BASTARD! I HATE U

you fucking manwhore. FUCK OFF ok. JUST FUCK OUT. You can forget about thinking I will come back to you crying. NO. I WILL SHOW U HOW I MOVE ON. I WILL SHOW YOU I CAN FIND A BETTER GUY THAN YOU. I WILL SHOW YOU HOW HAPPY I WILL BE WITHOUT YOU. FUCK YOU . Just wait and see. Go spread about my stuff. I MAKE SURE EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT YOU.

2008-12-15T21:48:00.004+08:00

WAH, HE BROKE UP WITH ME!!! FUCKING SHIOK!!!! WOOO!!!!

FREEEDOM!! wah... i don't know. normallly someone will feel sad. But i feel happy. I don't know cause if i break up with him, i will feel regret but then he break up with me, I don't know, i just feel so relieved. Maybe because after i tried so hard, i know i did my part liao but he's just screwing things up so it's his loss. NVM!!!

All he can say was,,, ask me go with my fling. You know when ppl have flings or feel guilty conscience, they will start thinking that their love one is cheating on them, WATCH DANE COOK VICSIOUS CIRCLE video and you will know. Well, he's just guilty that he's been with his fling. But honestly, people know me, know what kind of person I m.

I only find darren special cause he doesn't treat me like a dirt, like how he does. And he's just gonna go around telling people how i ill treated him. This kid of person uh... really hopless, can't admit his fault, wanna go around screwing ppl's life up. Lose liao call ppl slut.

He just replied me saying, "so much for waiting me downstairs to give me surprise. I guess this surprise doesn't worht you. I go surprise other ppl. I;ve got a few special ones too, aren't too far from here" ---- SEE i told you. It's true, he's got flings too but just don't wanna admit. And he's been flirting too! wah, lucky ..... we break up now.

ah ren~~~~ :X

2008-12-15T21:09:00.003+08:00

I have never seen anyone as crazy as him, He's like attempting to drive me crazy but twitching his words here and there, then when kana spotted, he will like laugh? i dunno. This guy is crazily insane. No wonder he has to go mental hospital.

I feel that this r/s no longer can work anymore. It' just filled with anger and he just cannot give in .. AT ALL.

Anyway, This r/s is really crazy. Don't know how long can I go on man. He claims like he's not revengful etc.. act like he's nice, but there;s something wrong deep inside his head. freaks me out man. Anyway.... mochi and my besties brighten my day up still!! wahahaha.

Will put up photos soon!

2008-12-15T16:33:00.006+08:00

ahh.. DISAPPOINTMENT!

He told he when we broke up, he haven't being meeting any girl. But he did, some girl from clubs. He told me he haven't been chatting with any girl, but his flings.

I thought he was really faithful. But look at his firendster comments. Look at those girls. Still say I flirt. Look whose talking.

Gek xim sia. But well, it's alright, Am actually well prepared.

He just sent me a message after I told him I was sian about what happened with those girls and how he treated me when he's sick. HE'S BEEN THROWING HIS TEMPER AT ME. fucking hell.

Now he says " you continue sian lo, you got no right to say anythign. those comments were from before.. you totally can't say anything cos what you did was far worse, you're shit. I know I did nothing wrong n my conscience is clear, tt;s good enough for me. N from you, I see you slowly turning back to how you were."

- Yeah... When I do such things, You sian , you expect me to make it right for you. If not, you fuck me up.

-Know why am I so affected? Cause you lied.

-You know why you feel that u did nothing wrong? because you always feel that you're well despite what. Even to the extend frenching another girl in a club.

-PLease don't say I was turning back, if you realised, look at your attitude for the past few days. You're the one who'se showing temper. You're the one who's giving attitude. And I have to take a step back and remain calm. Please lah.. felt like he's stepping over my head. sickening.

Stop being a dastard.

Another msg, saying like, it's the leading one who always starts it. I only want the best for me. No preservernce to do anything.

THEN FUCK YOU CB?????

- yah what. I m always the leading one cause you can never have the guts to admit you starting at times too. Fuck dastard.

-Want to best for me? Who doesn't afer being treated like dog?

-No preserverence to do anything? THEN FUCK you . You try la.... I everything kan u . Then You find out I flirting with some flings, see you can preservenc and shit or not.. PLEASE lah.. don't talk like you super wei da. In this rs. it's ALLLL ABOUT YOU. Selfish bastard. Wah sickening childish asshole.

But think about it, I actually find it quite funny. It's like, he can never get my point and whenever I say point 1, he will presume it's point 2 and 3 but started on point 4. lol. Just reflected on the things we argued, I actually find it stupid. I mean things would be good if he learn some anger mangement because I sure did.. and am proud. ^^

How I wish he's like him because he knows how to treat me with respect, although we're just friends , but it would be nice if he learn from him like that in a r/s. =(

After calling my besties to talk about it, they went like " see, I told you liao...."
Mostly went " SEE, I TOLD YOU SO MANY TIMES LIAO!!!!!!!!" -> lol?!

but only one said.. " you just missed the best party ever" and this one made me feeeeel soooo depressed. BUT HEY, I sacrificed OK!? lol

-________________-

2008-12-15T03:45:00.007+08:00

Found this photo on my desktop, taken on my birthday by my friend. Was holding my boss's dog, I was kinda freaked out because i think I placed my hands on the wrong side. LOL?

Been working and working.... woo... Love december's weather. WEE!! I missed zoukout, son been tempting me!!! friends been msging me!!!! ARGHHH..... Anyways, I hate mac. Can't change blog skins and recently haven't been online because my wireless got problem, mac keep hanging ( think because i left my lap top on for few days.. LOL) ARGH.. anyone know how to install Microsoft word? Depserate for one. ARHHH.. i hate mac.

Anyways, I GONNA LOOK FOR OUT FLEA MARKETS! Just pack my closet, total I have 3 HUGE BAGS of unwanted clothes. Some not even worn. Anyone can guide me along? or interested to start one with me?!!! or even wanna buy from me?!?!!? CALL ME OK!!! love u darlings!

After checking out his friendster comments, talking to his ex fling happily, deleting his own comments from her comments, don't even know what he's been doing, contacting his ex flings.. etc......... Then I have to cut contact from everyone, even good friends.

For no reason he's sick, I kana for nothing just because he feels claims that he's sick and cranky, sn I HAVE TO UNDERSTAND.. so, I have to shut up and let him be. (Peeps, If i were to be sick or cranky, and treats him the way how he treated me, CFM will quarrel or kana scolding, then he will start babbing about how fuck up i m, how unreasonable i m.. etc. ) Don't wanna comment no more, i reckon he's gonna call and screw me up or even just break up... I even bought him a super thick jacket to surprise him for it's also for his own good, don't want him to fall sick at such weather but what i get was well... SHIT. Sickening. Came to a point whereby I don't feel so like... affected like how I used to. Probably just tired..

Nah.. Am tired . But don't know why I wanna go on. Maybe for the sake of 1 year. Maybe I always thought things will be better.

I kinda regret doing so much things and feel not being so appreciated but well, am sure someone out there will appreciate and be really glad about that. CHEERS!!!

Time to REALLY catch up with old buddies. WEEEEEEEEEEEEE..........

Darren's out of town. -________- hate it.

I go pang sai. bye!

2008-12-10T18:42:00.000+08:00

Love his black paw. SUPER CUTE.

he looks angry. lol

2008-12-10T18:19:00.002+08:00

THIS IS MY MOCHI!

When i was resting, he creeps up and lay beside me.

Then i cover blanket for him!

But still, he lies to hide under my bed.

or sleep with my dad.

2008-12-07T15:29:00.002+08:00

Damn stress. Don't know how to take care of mochi. Know the basic stuff want I wanna train it. =(
Anyway, are can food good? Some say it's bad, some say it's good. I don't know. I just want my mochi to be healthy and happy!

Gonna head down to pet safari to get toys and treats for mochi! Anyway, I MISS JANICE!

2008-12-05T17:24:00.003+08:00

I BOUGHT A PUPPY! It's japanese splitz! DAMN CUTE. From aust..... it's a male pup! I called it MOCHI ...

omg! it's 3 months old! cost my dad $2300 , got it from ericssion pet farm! Was happy because it's damn beautiful and it's hidden at the back. NB. I saw one which was on display but there's this brown spot around the eye, make it look like panda. not nice and it's female. Then the guy brought out this SUPER CHIO ONE. omg@ I love my dad....

Then just now as i was etting up the cage, I was having a hard time. The puppy wouldn't leave me alone. its just keep lingering around my feet and stand in between my legs. I have to keep carrying it away but it just manage to find it's way back. awww.. makes my heart melt!!

So today must stay home and observe mochi.

2008-12-04T23:07:00.008+08:00

Anyway, mom got a shih tzu from a friend of hers for $500. It;s overly price and the dog is 1 yr old. Then I realised i could get a better pup by adding 200+ and i don't really like that dog, it pee everywhere, it's irritating and stupid. Decided to return tomorrow, get the money and HEAD FOR PET FARM! Gonna get a Japanese spitz. HOT DOG.

Saw this once while one the way home with baby, it's so beautifuln It has this big black eye... omg.

Bestie, most handsome bestie. Anyone interested? Am selling it. :D

Rebel.

Cb, keeep taking photo of my granny skirt.

YOU SEE.. HE JUST KEEP LAUGHING AT MY DRESSING. MF

Me and cass!!

Yesterday went to rebel! crowd wasn't that bad till late. hmm.. Djs are from the old MOS. hmm.. Actually, life been really good for me now. Well, after a fight of him couldn't stand the fact of me stating out his facts, he decided to give me a chance. Don't know for what intention , decided to take it.

But somehow, I seems to feel the worry feeling how i used to have, the anger and stuff. I don't know if I should even go back to him. I will lose everything again but I really wanna give a try, I feel that we love each other but am really scared.

Honestly, ever since my depression stopped, I have not been happier till today. All the old feelings came back. I feel cranky. I flare at ppl surrounding me.

Victor was angry at me. He claims to cut of ties with me if i go back to him but deeply, he just cares and I know he will definately still be there and support me! >.<

2008-12-04T15:25:00.003+08:00

To the horny bitches who went around telling people about my stuff.

Hey, your cb itchy huh? wanan get fuck by ken issit? Why? too handsome for you huh? Trying to please him by asking him to stay away from me? Please, you wanna spread things about me, SPREAD TO SOMEONE who isn't my best friend , not to Someone who actually seen what happened, hear what happened and know what happened. Why, he handsome you wanna sian huh? You know what's best friends? He's my best friend. Thanks uh...

Knn, cb itchy come out lah.. I slap for you. Knn you mother kana fuck alot of times that's why you're like her? Please, before you wanna judge others, judge yourself first. Wah.. bth.

Cb, want play facts... fact your mother.

Wah, ken. you lucky ass!

2008-12-03T16:58:00.004+08:00

right now chilling, waiting till 6 then head down for my school orientation. been thinking. Actually, I never meant to hurt him. Thought it thru, no point giving another try because he's just gonna give me tough time then after that tell me, i never change abit and he won't patch.

AND FOR YOUR FUCKING INFO, I DON'T HAVE A FLING!

Probably he just want just revenge? I don't know. Maybe wanna see if I worth? I don't know. I feel tired...

Decided to quit the job in far east as soon as they find someone to replace me then look out for some office job with higher pay. Am gonna get a car myself!! then go travel with kim and kandy!

Christmas is coming... so excited! I Want a Apple mp3 player! the touch screen one! gonna get 16 g. Then can watch movie while on bus!! WEEE!! They have 16 right? lol

2008-12-03T12:44:00.021+08:00

WEll, he has nothing better to do but to spread things about me. Pathetic. Right, and think that I don't know, still can tell people don't fall for me, i iwll cheat their feelings, Lucky ken knows WHAT'S GOING ON, lucky everytime i update him whatever happens, he knows what kind of person I am. AND THANKS GOD, that I have friends who see what's going on and knows me.

Clarified things, when i flirt with that guy, I have my reasons, because at tt point of time, i never thought of getting back with you becuse you FUCKING USED VIOLENCE ON ME AND PLEASE, we already broke up and I DIDN'T CHEAT YOUR FEELINGS . SO STOP TELLING PEOPLE I CHEAT YOUR FEELINGS.

- get myself distracted

- get a fucking sub.

- pretend it's you

At least when tt friend of mine, tries to meet up with me, even TILL NOW, i still didn't want to meet him. And it's until then , i realized it's too pain to let you go, then i decided that I want to go back and try. And ON THAT VERY DAY, I didn't cheat on your feelings at all, I was sincere about going back and I DID'NT EVEN WANNA MSG THAT GUY AT ALL. Until you check my phone, then what, start spreading. Don't come tell me, i never do wrong , i scared what.. PCB, you try go around telling people your own stuff la.. why? don't dare huh? SCARED HUH? knn.

YES, it's my fault for flirting you expect me to apologise but you? that day in double O? did you even? nah, you just think it's me, It's me who make u do it. BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?! YOU FUCKING STRANGLED ME AND I STILL BEGGING YOU BACK

Not like you, right after a break up on that very night, you got so desperate, you go double O to grind that girl, french with that girl called michelle, it just makes you damn cheap to even do that to a stranger, that's fucking gross.

I don't know what you did after that in the night cause you went missing with the fact that you have extremely high sex drive but it's expected anyway. And don't think I don't know you been grinding with girls in club behind my back. People been seeing you doing that but i didn't even question you about it. Now you perfect , you french with other girls, grind with other girls, you "perfect bf.." I merely flirt with this guy whom I don't even feel like meeting at all, "i flirt, i cheat your feelings" Everything you can lo.... I do I wrong, you do you right.

eh, seriously, WTF LAH...

Whatever lah.. go spread lah if that makes you happy. Super pathetic.

Go attract attention from girls then they will pity you then maybe think you're a nice guy and considering letting you screw.

And stop acting like you done nothing wrong, You tried to strangle me that night, you used violence on me you mf and you didn't even apologize and you expect me to apologize?

hong zhi sheng, stop thinking about what people done wrong. Start thinking about what you have done first. You can't even apologise properly, don't expect people to do the same to you.

I have degraded myself to ask some you back. Put down my ego and beg you back, what i get? you spreading things about me without even telling people what you did to me.

you giving me fake hopes .

you asking me to change this and that but nothing about yourself.

pin out all my fucking shits but never once was about yourself.

you have pushed your limits.

She was right, most guys always push blames to girls. And he was one of the 2nd typical ones I ever met. At least derek didn't.

Ken : Do you hate him now?

Me : Half half

Ken: He don't want you and want to spoil your name.

-_- another typical one.

And don't think I don't feel a shit about this post, it hurts when I blog this shit out saying all these things about you just that after so much shits you spread about me, it's time for me to stand up for myself. You cut my freedom, you created low self esteem in me, you cut my friends off, you cut my freedom all the time, you would just vent angers on me, esp when I did something wrong, like jsut because I wore a fake eyelash to work, you will get really mad and start scolding me. Then whatever I do, it's just really.... never.. enough for you.

Actually honestly speaking, I have been asking myself lately do I still love him. Maybe right now because am still mad at his childish acts. Still been thinking about him thou then was wondering could it be because am still so used to have him around me then suddenly he's not around, I lost a companion? Because I seriously don't feel as pain as how I used to anymore.

If the feeling could go, please go away soon so that I can move on.

I don't know if I should go on like this, he kept telling me to leave him alone, to fuck off from life, tell me, is this what he really wants? And If i really do, he will be happier right? I really don't know what to do. Was so angry so just now in the earlier post. Can't believe he's a xiao ren. Ahh.. now things have lead to this stage, should I just go?

2008-12-02T14:31:00.003+08:00

At work now. Wish he's here now. Those time when he could, he will head over here to pick me up. One thing he like to do, sneak in and give me a fright! NONO, he will pretend that he's not coming then I'll feel damn sian but then out of no where, POP UP!! Make me extra happy..... awww.. :(:(:(

emo-ing away in the shop. tmd.

2008-12-02T10:59:00.004+08:00

sometimes i wish you could just forgive me, and let me love you the right way again. I wanna go to bed with arms around you again. I don't know if you would ever be seeing this but.. just for the sake what we been through, don't just give up on us. Because I've no idea how to say to you. You would just think that I m just taking the easy way but I really don't know what to do to please you.

2008-12-02T04:21:00.002+08:00

I always believe that in giving another last try to this relationship. I don't know why is he being so stubborn. Fuck it.

2008-12-01T04:02:00.005+08:00

I love this. Plus pink is my all time favourtie!
That's darren on the right. He become more meaty now. He used to be slim but still, cute!

=( if I ever have the chance, I would love to have this as my pet!

This is darren!

Wanna have this join up with my lower back tribal or probably have this at my hip area. DAMN CHIO LAH....

I want a chinchilla!!

Sorry if the photos arrangements is kinda mess up!

I think i kinda like the way darren treated me. Whether if he has any intention or not, but it was really nice. Tend to be super delicated to you and your every moves.

And if you're feeling down, watch russell peters, but any comedian shows like friends , best of sat night or dane cook!! it will REALLY make you feel better.

2008-11-30T07:20:00.002+08:00

Met up with old friend yesterday! FEEL SO HAPPY!! WOOO!!!! A NEW BESTIE!!

Today, went out with darren. ROCK.............
Just got home not long.. super shaggggggggggggggggg...

christmas will be with him!! WEE~~

http://www.novus.sg/

SO PRETTY! Then to the flyers after that. Seems like a ideal date to me but it would be if no one is coming along with us. Ok, i won't let anyone. HAHAHAH!!!! DARREN ROCK MY LIFE!

2008-11-29T05:07:00.004+08:00

OK, SUPER SLEEPY~~~ TOMORROW THEN CONTINUE UPLOAD!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

PAss u my stupid powers

All grow up liao. Become man!

Bro the best!! peel prawns for me! wee
HUGE RIGHT?

My baby bro!
ahh.. wei rong!
lol JAde
-__-
Zs and me!
Thanks chole!

Kiro and Benji! didn't have a chance to take photo of them. =\

Eugene. Kandy's litte cute bro. haa
Kandy and yenny
Kandy and me!

YES BAEY!
Posing for chicks
God of the night
Derek baey victor eric

Zirca

I LOVE MY BESTIE

2008-11-28T18:23:00.001+08:00

Right now, supposed to be at his place waiting for him to come back! the probably go out for dinner. haa! 1st year.

Aynway, it's a FRIDAY!!!!! Time to party tonight baby!

2008-11-28T03:20:00.002+08:00

Came home, was pretty down. I miss him though. Whatever I do, i thought of him.. Even though imade new friends, try to move on but, I still think of him. Happy 1st year baby. he might not seee this though but today is the day, I always wanted to be with him. !st year. He promised that he would buy me an enagement ring, he promise me despite what he would marry me but maybe, i scrrewed things up. But if he love me, he would want to be with me despite what.

You know, i truly love him. Like whote heartedly, even thou how cute the guy is, how nice he treats me or whateever he has, zs don't have, it won't work because, i m commited to zs, my heart only has him. It hurts pretty bad now. Even though how much i tried to distract my thoughts away from him but it just don't work. I know he hates me now or maybe, he's prepared to move on or probably, he's happpier with me now. I Can't give him happiness even thou i beg to give it one last try but I would hope to make him happy again.

Right now, the only way to make him happy is to leave him.

I done wrong to him, i wanan make up but i don't know how to. to him, I can never change, to him, i m hopeless bitch, I m shit but to me, he's someone i love.

Someone i m willing to change just the matter of time, i only need him to be paitent and forgiving this time.. just this time but he can;t anymore. I lost him but.. whatever it is... I hope he's happy. I didn't mean to screw things up, I was angry, that he wouldn't give me a chance but i know, it was me who make him give up hope for me but I beg so hard.... just fo another try. He was mean to me, i deserve it but i believe that, our love, deserve another chance, just one last chance, i would do anyhting for him even if i have to scarifice my happines just to be with him, it doesn't matter cause to be with him, that's my happiness.

Happy 1st year anniversary baby. I love you. Even till noww, I still love you like how I always do. Even thou i know, he wont get to see this but.... I love you. I really do. PEople who know me will know, when I am in love, no one can take my love for you away from me. No one.

The fresh pain.....

2008-11-27T06:24:00.004+08:00

Mom and dad's argument woke me up.

Normally, would just sink my head into his arms and he would just piak me to sleep.

Hearing her cries, I really don't know what to do. I hope they will be fine.

I have this very bad urge of seeing him but I've to hold myself back. Kept repeating to myself that it's over. Everything is over. He could never love you again, no matter what. It's over.

Despite severing ties with him, I still care about him. Like wonder how is he, what has he done today. Has he eaten? how his back? is he drinking again? Is he not sleeping again? how is he feeling? Did he cover blanket when he's asleep? When he fell asleep, he gets to tired to do anything. Stupid boy. Did he set his alarm? Can he wake up on time? Did he charge his hp?

I miss making milo for him every morning before he left me place for army. I would even get breads for him for find breakfast for him. Used to always fold his uniform for him. Put toothpaste on his tooth brush before he wakes up. Wake him up! set alarm every 5 mins so that tt lazy pig will get his ass of my bed. hee!

Always look at him tie his shoes laces, Hug him and kiss goodbye. then would msg for awhile till he reaches camp then I will go back sleep or sometimes, I can't sleep cause he isn't around to keep me warm.

Sigh. I would want to do all these again for him if I ever have the chance. Makes me feel like a housewife. hehe!

Had mangoes with victor yesterday,

He was like " Wah power. sour one I LIKE!!"
ME " Nice right, it's like sweet and sour! zs cannot take sour mangoes, he only like sweet kinds!"
Victor then went -__________- " why everything you do now, you will think of him or talk about him huh?
ME " Don't know lah.. going crazy. LOVE MAH.."

2008-11-27T03:47:00.001+08:00

I can't sleep :( There one part I feel so ease that I almost doze off which was when I picture him lying infront of me. But then I stop as the memories flashes back.

Here I am.. DIE LAH!!! Tomorrow got work...........

2008-11-27T01:10:00.003+08:00

Yesterday stayed over at kandy's place. Was irritating her brother the entire night. He's like super cute. Really! and they both definately look alike. Even their seh, when they talk, the way they move their hands etc. Then went 7-11 shopping! hahah

Today, was so tempted to go out but didn't want to cause tomorrow got work! =( everyone is like heading to zouk. Don, jiayi, cass , rapheal , howard , all zouk!! wah lau!!!?

Thought that if i going to zouk, might drop by holiday inn with dinner for jasper but didn't have the chance to. Sorry man! =(

I spent my entire day, watching tv, stuffing myself with sweet mangoes, doing my nails, checking out sites , facebook, making new friends and msn-ing!

Manage to catch up with old friends and make a few new friends today! pretty occupied thou! keke!

Today i catched up with this old classmate of mine , Darren. He's good looking, funny, naughty, playful, ang moh pai, bad boy, rich but definately a player. Used to have this thing for him but then it turns me off when i realized he's those player but until today, after 6 hours of non stop chat on msn, he changed man! he's so different from who he used to be. Totally. Yeah... and WEE! i found a guy whose willing to go waxing with me!!! WEEEE!!!! and yes! thanks to darren, i found christmas plans! This year christmas, i gonna make it the best for myself! dinning at swiss hotel then to the flyers....

Then chat with kim, guess what? she closed her friendster too! just because she finds it annoying. she's like damn cute! i m like so lazy to set up friendster. It's getting boring so now, i frequent facebook! >.< More features to play around with ! Make quite a few new friends today and i found lewis! Who's gonna bring me to the flyer!!!!! *that is if i behaved* -_- wth.

I decided to get a cover up! Wanan get phoenix with lotsa flowers. ^^ yeah.............. can't wait.
When kim's coming back, gonna go on a trip!!!! BINTANNNNNN.........

So many things i can't wait to do!!! screams!!

2008-11-25T22:25:00.000+08:00

I miss him.

2008-11-25T11:14:00.002+08:00

woke up early today.

Found out what really works to make myself feel better.

- Cry myself out.. Just keep crying.

- Watch funny shows.

- Indulge myself with my favorite food + fruits. *MANGO!

- Don't contact him

- Chat with friends, make more friends

- Play sudoku till I doze off.

- Wake up early so that I will feel tired to think about it or even cry about it.

- Meet up with friends.

- Keep crying if necessary ( because then you will get tired. )

Since it's totally over and there isn't any chance to bring back this relationship so he has already made up his mind, no matter how hard I try.

Decided to just go ahead with my life.

2008-11-25T01:31:00.001+08:00

damn, i m like having red eye now. screams.....

2008-11-24T21:32:00.007+08:00

It's been the roughest month I ever been through. Right now, sitting downstairs beside the poolside, enjoying the breeze listening to music...

I spent half my day hiding inside my room and cry. Then I realized, he doesn't love me or maybe he's just too tired to love me. Whatever I did was foolish and meaningless. It won't bring back the same old him , no one to blame but myself. Despite whatever that happens, I would still want to be with him but now at this very moment, I have decided to stop loving him. It's too tormenting.

I will do it. I will get better in time. I promise I will.

I have lied to myself enough. Been telling myself, " Amanda, just do it, there's a chance that he will come as so as long he still loves you. Just keep trying."

All I wanted was a chance.

But I can't be selfish right? I can't keep holding him back if he wants to leave. Maybe he will be happier in this way . Maybe he won't be happy with me. Maybe I can't give him the kind of happiness he wants. It's all my fault for this outcome. I hate myself... I really hate myself.

I will never commit again and if I do, I promise myself the next guy, I will give my best shot. I promise I won't hurt him like how i hurt zs. I promise I won't lie to him about anything. I promise I will admit my fault and not argue. I promise I will give in and lastly, lov ehim wholeheartedly.

2008-11-24T20:04:00.002+08:00

I feel a tear run down my face.
the pain I feel so deep inside is sharper than any double-edged sword.
So many times of pain, it became dull.
Then there's numbness inside my heart.

Amanda, it's time to let go....

2008-11-24T18:38:00.004+08:00

no matter what I did.. how much I tried to prove, he could never bring himself to be with me again. Everything seems meaningless to me now.

Our christmas plan is over. Everything gone. Nothing left....

no matter what I do.. nobody understands my intention; Even thou it's for good

Only people who believes in horoscopic stuff, will understand me because myself, truly reflect scorpio haracteristics and personality - Everything. I m probably one of the typical scorpios..

Scorpio Bitches (Reflects)

They can overplay their hands, however and be over possessive and even cruel and violent, both physically and verbally, when annoyed.

Never forget a hurt or a slight. For the typical Scorpio, forgiveness can be difficult.Much of its knowledge is not easily communicated because it is beyond most people's understanding.
When Scorpios try to communicate what they see, understand, or feel, they are often badly misunderstood.

They then tend to keep silent because the misunderstanding that results from silence is better than the misunderstanding that comes from failed communication
one that will harbor long-term grudges. But Scorpio is also *slow to anger*. If others do not repeat hurts or add insult upon insult, Scorpio is no more vengeful or grudging than any other sign .

She won't choose her friends or lovers lightly; they have to measure up to her high standards. Once you are assured of her love don't worry that it will stray.

As long as you are faithful and keep her happy a Scorpio will almost never betray you for physical promiscuity and for pay you back every kindness you gave her and to people whom she thinks deserving.""

Scorpio is probably the most feared and yet the most revered sign of the zodiac. Most Scorpios would not hurt a fly for they are as gentle, caring, and generous as they can be hard, cruel, and mean.

It really depends how they are treated.This is a sign which demands respect and usually gets it. Scorpions are highly sensitive, emotional creators who are so easily hurt that they cannot bear to show their feelings for fear of being ridiculed.

Scorpios develop from an early age the ability to control such outer expressions of emotion, and remain dry-eyed.

Capable of holding a grudge for the rest of their lives. Scorpio subjects are hardworking, generous, and very determined.

Once they begin a task, they will be dedicated to finishing it.They can become obsessively devoted to a person, a cause, or a project.

2008-11-24T15:33:00.003+08:00

Yesterday when i went to find him, we hug again. I was smilling all the way because it's the one of the happiest moment, the truly happiest moment eversince we broke up. I decided that, I have to prove to him that I love him. I have to prove that I can be trust again. I have prove that, it's worth giving me the last chance and in order to prove that, I decided to cut conceal myself away from the outside world. I closed my friendster, my facebook. I gonna delete my msn and changed my hp number.

I know by proving these, he might not come back to me but I just want to prove for the moment that, I can do it.

People who had been there advising me, I would like to thank you. Despite your efforts, I really appreciate alot and I did take your advices but I m just a weakling. People who know me well will know how much I have always commited in a relationship. I commit my entire heart and soul to it. I will give it my best shot.

People who know me, will say " Aiya, go back like last time!! find another sub.. then u will fallfor him and eventually you will get over zs and viola! you get a new better guy!" or " go club lah... you like to club.. go flirt with guy,.. cfm will get over zs" or " come, i bring u to see cute guys, that's what you always like"

I tried... I felt so impotent, I don't even have inteerest in any guy I see now. I cried in clubs. I don't even wanna meet people whom i flirt with becuse i feel weird . It's not the old me anymore.
I've commited too much and i can't back out. I know whether it's if i want to but, it's not easy. It hurt so much that I am willing to do anything to take the pain away.

I will always remember those people those has been there for me. I will always remmeber you. I just need sometime away right now.

If i ever have the chance to repay you people back, i will. I promise.

2008-11-23T17:59:00.001+08:00

markie_mok@yahoo.com says: (5:57:18 PM)
if you really love him, you will set him free, what ever makes him happy, if you two were meant to be, then he will come back in the future

markie_mok@yahoo.com says: (5:57:24 PM)
i know u love him

markie_mok@yahoo.com says: (5:57:27 PM)
and i know itys hard

Amanda - I'm letting go. says: (5:57:38 PM)
so i have to set him free?

markie_mok@yahoo.com says: (5:58:25 PM)
yehas, if u love somethng or someone, set them free, and they will find their way back to you

markie_mok@yahoo.com says: (5:58:39 PM)
if they dont find their way back to you, then it wasnt meant to be

So, I guess I have to let him go.

could you love me the way how I love you?

2008-11-23T12:14:00.003+08:00

I miss you so much day and night
I can't realise why you're gone
I just think I treat you right
but now I'm again alone

The days without you are so long
these days - without your kiss and smile
and I don't know what I've done wrong
I've been thinking of this for a while

A few questions that I need to know -
why does my heart feel so bad ?
why you could ever hurt me so ?
why can't I get you out of my head ?....

Now I'm standing here alone
with this weight upon my heart
wondering why you're gone
remembering our feelings from the start

In my mind I have all my memories in a range -
each moment spent with you
is unforgettable
but I can't realise what made you change
for me this is just un-get-able

I know I won't pull trough without you by my side
so baby come to me - don't run and hide
The only thing I want is to be with you
please honey - make my wish come true

Don't you know that you make my days count?
And I'm always happy when you're around
it doesn't matter what we do
as long as I'm here with YOU

2008-11-23T11:48:00.001+08:00

Author: Layla S.

Why does it have to hurt inside?
Why do I have to cry each night?
I think I have to walk on by...
Cuz I'm starting to lose my sight...

What is it that changed your mind?
Who is it that keeps you blind?
Why did you change so fast?
Did you really have to leave me behind?

I start to think about all we had
And how it turned this way...
I guess I'll have to leave your side,
And turn my face away...

Although my soul will die...
Although my heart will cry...
I've got nothing else to do,
I'm hurt deep inside

But although I'll leave your side,
You'll be always on my mind...
My heart and soul will ache for you,
Every day and every night...

You're my never-ending love,
The love that keeps me alive...
You're the one I'll love forever,
Although it hurts inside...

First post.

2008-11-23T10:47:00.001+08:00

Yeah.. finally have the time to Blog. Maybe I just need to write out my feelings. Things haven't been going well for the past 1 year. There's been a lot things happening but the biggest concern is my relationship ; my previous relationship. 5 more days to unofficial 1 year and I felt that, it would have been a year by then. I've never had a relationship that hit a year and I always have this thought that if I ever hit a year with that guy, he's the one.

Initially I thought he was but somehow, I screwed things up. I never wanted it this way, maybe I was too rebellious, maybe I was too stupid or maybe, I should have just cherish the chances he gave me. Sometimes, i felt that, like how people normally say, in an arguement it always take two hands to clap but in our situation, each of us felt that, it's the other party who started it.

when I was young, whenever I get into trouble my dad always remind me that " Trouble don't find you, you find trouble" then i realized that it's true. I should have taken a step back whenever things spark up an arguement instead of arguing. Hence I take my part in the blame, I allow it to happen.

I was too rebellious but all I can say is, I love him. I really do and I really wanna be his wife, spend the rest of my days with him. Even thou if i have to sacrifice my friends and freedom, it just don't matter to me as long I could be with him, just simple me and him, loving each other.

Love
"We may be different but we are also quite alike. I see myself in you and I see you in myself"

Caring
A caring attitude acknowledges one's felt responsibility to respond to the needs of another. Ownself will be affected by their well-being of lack of it.

An understanding Attitude
Means " before I judge you, I will take off my shoes and walk in yours for a while. "

Respect
Acknowledges another person's right , wishes and needs.

Appreciation
A natural reaction to being supported.

Accpetance
Neglecting another's negative being or behavior instead of being reject, but is being favorably received - This is reason to our break up. The reason to why he couldn't accept me.

Trust
Honesty, integrity, reliability, justice , sincerity. - The only that we are almost there... but he just couldn't bring himself to give me anymore.

My birthday, he wasn't even there. Nothing. no msg no nothing. Time will heal but I don't think I could be myself anymore. If I ever have the one last chance again, I would do anything, even if I have to conceal myself from the outside world just to be with him, I will. Even though we have to indugled frequent heated atercation over it, I would still want to go thru because once it ends, we will all be better.

This has been once of the most most painful relationship I ever went through but yet the happiest because I see love and felt loved. Yeah yeah, time will heal but is the healing part, the fresh pain. His sense, touch, smell ; unforgettable. I remember vivdly like it happened yesterday.

If only I know how to express myself in a right way. I want to make him the luckiest guy on earth. Give him my everything... but, he's tired. that's all he could said. Despite how tired, how painful, I would still wanna change things, make it better because I know we can. All we needed is strength to go thru it. I still have strength, I still can do it. I never want to give up.

Every night, I can't sleep, all i did was, kept myself occupied with sudoku or I will just lie there, imgaine he's beside me and cry myself to sleep. You know, I envy people around me who been thru all these and yet they can be so strong. yeah. time.. but how they manage to tolerate the pain?

Whatever it is, i feel lifeless everyday. Even thou I know that, it's over, clearly over, but I still hope for another chance. Still waiting...

"Love is not painful, it feels incredible. The pain and hurt we feel doesn’t come from love, it comes from our doubts, fears, anxiety, perceived rejections, broken trusts, anger, jealousy,"